Jodoh

jodoh dan peretemuan

semua tu di tangan Tuhan

tak usah diingat bende yang lalu

mcm la org tu ingat kat kite

hey u woman!

be STRONG la

no matter how hard it's gonna b

ur gonna make it through

forget the past for real

only then everything's gonna b fine

ratio guys to girls kan dah nk balance

ape nk risau?

ececece

even if it takes yearssssss

jodoh tu takkan ke mana

tak payah dicari-cari

it's not something that i really have to worry about eh

n yes i do believe in Him

He has planned something really GOOD iA :)

eotteohge?

i managed to 'like' someone again but after i get closer to that someone, (almost everyday jumpe or just online n do crazy stuffs or whatever) i dont feel anything anymore. ouch.not once or twice but couple of times already :( maybe i get bored easily or or they're just not my type! HAHAHA!  n please please please dont show interest in me coz i just hate it. i'd rather live without knowing how others feel about me. being in relationship is a serious matter for me coz i just dont give a sh** in my life! no more drama or whatever u wanna call it coz i cant handle it anymore. i'm happy being single but for some reasons i dont like how i feel right now. i'm not being ignorant or deniable of what's happening around me, but i think i'm just too scared of taking the risk! oh what a chicken! what should i do? *ok study rajin2 pastu habeskan duit JPA* perfect! :D

just bear with it :(

i dont wanna b an asshole

i dont wanna b selfish

no matter how hard it's gonna be

i just have to bear with it

stop complaining,

coz human beings are just like that

not everyone knows how to appreciate others

i shouldnt expect too much in life

so i'll take this as a challenge

to make me stronger insyaallah :)

 *only if everyone understands me, i dont think i'll hurt this much :( *

jgn pertikaikan please!

kalau org kate itu rezeki, bole tak jgn pertikaikan?? dah tuhan nk bagi org tu 2nd chance, terime jela! aarghhh!!! and please, bile bercakap tu tlg fikir org kiri kanan dulu bole tak?? eee,, pissed me off betol!! and as for myself, even though i screwed up ICPU n didn't pass the cut-off point but at least i tried my best when i'm here!! and alhamdulillah because i learn from my mistake, i think i even did better than some people who passed the cut-off point! so what i wanna say here is that, tlg jgn pertikaikan rezeki org laen bole tak? mane la tau org yg x berape nk perform mase pre-university akan perform lagi gempak kaw2 tahap mega tu?? haaa, tuah aym nampak di kaki, tapi tuah manusia siapa yg tau? so fikir-fikirkan la ye!

this is just a thought yg dah lame disimpan. lame dah, dari dulu lagi.tapi today baru nk rase luahkan.ecewaaah!

hello there!

hey hey!i know it's been a while that i didnt update my blog. so many things going on that i just wanted to keep them for myself. oh yeah, it's been a year since the last time my heart broke into pieces. ecewaaah! but hey, i'm such a tough person now!u jerk, out of my way! i got my own life now.busy busy busy! i dont even have time to think about relationship or whatever u wanna call it but I'M SERIOUSLY HAPPY! this term would be more organized i guess. less time to go for shopping, more time for other activities. being hi-comm for MASA, BSA and joining Horticulture club is enough for the responsibilities part. i'm extremely satisfied with my so-called 'reducing stress' plans right now

working out at the gym, put more weight for the weightlifting part,

running at the track,increase # of laps per week

finish all the tracks for wall climbing as for now i've reached 4/6 tops (faster than what i was expecting)

halaqah every friday and later riadhah with the sisters

badminton for some fridays

yoga for at least once in fortnight to b more flexible. hehe

swimming class is still in consideration

squash when there's more time

more snowboarding trips when i get hired (no money no snowboarding)

futsal every thursday and if we get to the play-off i'll b more than happy

but being the champion for this term is even better :)

and not to forget, IMPROVE MY CLASS ATTENDANCE AND BE ON TIME!!

revision for any exams/midterms or whatever has to be done for at least one week before!!

aarrghhh!!n for those who may concern, I CANT STAND CRYING BABIES ANYMORE!!! do u know that i'm so pissed off to have that kind off ppl in my life?? screw them!! come on, i learn how to survive tooo!! and please please please do improve yourself!! ah kau! kalau anak bongsu takpe jugak nk mengade lebih2. haiyak! i always at the receiving end, so dont expect much from me! sorry nk emo kejap. hehe

'awesome' people

They're awesome coz they

 make me smile with a single word

wake me up when i'm 'sleeping'

comfort me when i'm uneasy

wipe my tears when i'm crying

and

...

...

.......

..........

broke my heart till i cant even forgive

and i learn not to love someone wholeheartedly, not even friends, and a special someone

coz trust is not to be betrayed, but to be grasped till the end

to get along with me is easy, but once i get annoyed, dont even think to get my trust coz life is not easy

u should know that and so do i

coz ure one of a kind

To love someone is HARD, but to forget someone that u loved is HARDer.things happened, n u even think that life is so unfair.but at the end of the day, u'll think that God loves u for showing u the right path. to think positive is EASY, but to think negative is EASIER."Life sucks, jiwe kacau". that will be a spontaneous reaction, but what favours the spontaneity?? maybe i should 'muhasabah diri' n think what n where i went wrong. it must be something, n somewhere along the road. the road that i feel like giving up to go through.hmmm.what a life! be strong my dear soul! coz i know ure one of a kind.nobody will understand u for real :(

hey awak!

u surprised me, but u really made my raye.

SeLaMaT HaRi RaYe n MaAf ZaHiR BaTiN to u too

thanx for the wish, i appreciate it so much

just so u know i'm happy to get ur text,

but i just dun have the guts to reply.

it's still in me, if u know what i mean.

forgive n forget

i couldn't see the difference between forgive n forget, 

but what i know is those two things complement each other. 

u cant never forgive if u cant forget n vice versa.

one good point here is:

even at this point, i still cant forgive n forget!

oh what a life!

ye kawan, i miss u too!

"cakap kat faraw org rindu die tau :( 

ask her 2 take care of herself."

(Faraw,msg ni ***** bg org smlm.pkul 3 pg.)

damn, i feel bad when my fren texted me this. all kinds of feelings came at the same time. we used to have a good time together,hang out smpi x igt dunie, n the best part ble sound depan2!cool gile kan? but u guys ruined evrything la. the world cup makes me feel even worse coz we used to have those 'kutok-mengutok time', football betting(gurau2 punye version la), berlagak pasal jerseys n players, n mcm2 lagi la. but those memories will remain as memories coz i dun think we can go back to that time. betol kate pepatah, sbb nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. i can't prtend as if nothing happened, coz thre's no way that i can forget evrything in a short time. but trust me, i MISS u guys toooo!!sangat2 rindu, okay??tgk la nnt, maybe one sweet day, hati ni dh lembut n dh kuat sket, we'll meet up, ok kawan?ksian la ko, jadi mangse keadaan sunggoh!i'm not exactly having a revenge on them, it's just that i'm not ready to face them.fullstop!

ko mmg kawan terhebat la!!

1st time tgk gambar, mmg caer wo!nk kate ensem, xde la ensem sgt, tp sekadar sedap mate memndang la.based on my taste yek. ntah mcm mane, bole terkenal la plak.ni sume membe punye hal la.bile dh start contact, jadi kawan sudah la kan. nk lebih2, skola lagi kot! mmg langgar my prinsip idop couple mase skola2 ni. mule2 mmg kawan la, tp lame2 dh rapat semacam.klu laki ngan pompuan xde rase pape, mmg abnormal la kot. last2 ktorg decide jadi kawan baek, n xmaw lebih2.tp ntah mcm mane, after spm jd more than bestfrens la plak. klu dh name org brcinte, sume mmg nmpk indah la. even gadoh2 pon bole suke. bnde2 laen xyah ckp la kot, sume rase hebat je.name pun first love, mmg la nk serious coz i'm not da type bercinte utk maen2 yek!! i may not look serious, but i'm f**king serious la kalau dh betol2 masok jiwe ni!! tp bile org kate xde jodoh tu, kne la pasrah utk berpisah, x gitu?? nk trime hakikat dgn sng mmg not so me la!! hati x cukup nk lembut, n asyik nk ikut pale otak sndri je. tp at least try la jugak utk move on n pasrah dgn sume bnde yg happen. cume balek malaysia ni nk dgr explanation yg gempak from mulut org tu so dat bole move on dgn rela hati. pasrah tu mmg pasrah la kalau ditakdirkan jadi kawan je coz we started as frens jugak what?! tp ble ko ckp sume yg ko buat slame ni hipokrit n kte xpatut jadi kawan tu ape???x ke taik kerbau namenye?? n ade hati nk putus kawan cmtu je?? 3 tahun tu bukan sekejap taw!! n bukan senang nk lupe n padam sume memori pasal kauuuuuu!!!! u betrayed my trust! i've had enough! u're the worse thing that ever happened to me!! i hate u like crazy!!i'm gonna revenge, but in my own way!! i'll make sure u'll get what u deserve!! u have to live in guilt coz u make me live in misery. u chose a wrong person la!! u may think that i'm the one that u can simply toy with coz u cheated me for 3 years tp x pernah kantoi at all!!u're such a drama king la kawan!! only if i know why u did this to me, coz i thought that i really know u!! just so u know, i've been so sincere with whatsoever relationship that we had before, but if u really didn't have the heart for me, u better watch out!!! Allah tu maha adil.but if u have good reasons behind all these, i'll think of forgiving u. but for now, bole blaaahhh laaa!! u treat me mcm sampah when our relationship is over. i'm not begging for ur belas kasihan la coz i still have the pride.it's just that i love my friendship more than anything. it's ok if we're not meant to b together, but at least we can still b friends. feeling regret of what we had before is enough to show me who u are. trime kaseh banyak2 la for leaving  me with wounds that will never be cured!! "TERBAEK" la dapat kwn cm ko!!! panasssssssssssss  jeeeeee!!!!

p/s:please excuse my harsh words readers. i hope this will be the last one. i wanna move on, with at least a better feeling.n rase mcm nk delete this blog coz i wrote so much about him!!grrr...marah sunggoh!!
.

it was a blast!

if people asked me, how do i like saskatoon, i would answer that it's a great place!! my first year in the UofS itself was awesome.i'm so grateful for having such a nice campus, with friendly staffs n GOOD friends. i've learned so many things since i came to a place called saskatoon, or maybe i like to call it as my 2nd "kampong". at first, i found it a bit hard to adapt with the environment, but now i could say that i have saskatoon in my heart.ece..gile ah ayat ni.haha. seriously, my first 8 months are unforgettable.n the time that i spent with my new friends would b in memories forever. all the hangouts, ice cream, asian restaurants, chocolates, movie nights, fun trips,soccer, badminton, squash,gym, dancing classes, yoga, wall climbing, study groups, n so on would b my "kenangan terindah la"!maybe it's because i'm faaar away from my family and my other good friends, that's why i think they have the shoulders that i can cry on, or maybe figures that i can laugh of. knowing them for only a few months is enough to make me feel sad when i have to be apart from them for 4 months. i felt like crying when they sent me at the bus depot before i left to edmonton. they are among the good friends that i've ever known. thanks for brighten up my days with laughter n ur craziness, guys.i'm gonna miss u!! have a good summer, n see ya next term :))

we're planning to have our own time capsule as well. we don't need 100 years to be good friends, coz the only thing that we need is sincerety, n not not to forget, LOVE.

we still have 3 more years to be together, n i REALLY hope that we can have a blast for the time that we have. mmg syg korang la! <3

oh yeah, i'm so happy coz i've got my "BESTFRIEND" back!! *the quotation mark means a lot though* 

will U wait for me??

i've been thinking these days n i've decided on something..i found it hard to forget u n i dunno y i'm so stupid that i'm still waiting for u..i've been stalking ur fb profile for evry single day, i've been waiting for ur txt messages n calls. but i heard nothing from u..maybe i should start to accept the fact that i'm no longer important in ur life n u may not even care bout me anymore.. all my so called "move-on plans" seem to not work out very well coz i still think or maybe relate anything that i do with u..it has been 3 months, but i still can't forget u..i've read an article in ur fb profile, regarding "couple"..it's about the good things of not having that kind of relationship.it made me think though..it'll b great if u dumped me because of that reason.i would probably understand n that's y i came up with a thought. i dun wanna go for a serious relationship, but it'll only be for marriage..it's good that i dun have any feelings in guys anymore.so in 4 years time, my heart should b good to accept someone in my life.someone, which is U! but for now i'm just wondering if u'll b thre for me at that time. WILL U WAIT FOR ME?? i can keep my words that i wont find someone else to replace u coz i just want my heart to b knocked once.it'll b great if u have the same thought as me.and it'll b so goooood if u dont find someone else to replace me..i miss u, but thre's nothing i can do.i can only express it through my writings. n today, it should b our 2nd anni..u might forget about it, but i'll never ever forget it. u, happy anniversary sayang. 

this cowgirl misses her cowboy so much!!*ouch*

for some reasons, i really really really want u to read this.but i know it's kinda possible for u to read my post like u used to do.is thre any other way that i can tell u about what i feel??hah!!sudah2 la tu..*ayat from some of my frens* wtv it is, i'll go with the flow..kalau ade, ade la..we can only plan, but ALLAH will decide the BEST for us.insyaallah..

why do i stalk u??

i stalk ur fb coz i wanna know how are u doing, what are u up to, how is ur new look, who's checking u out, who's the new girl in ur life,how's ur school n everything about u.i checked ur profile every single day coz i dont wanna miss anything about u coz at the end of the day i'll feel bad for not knowing ur current updates. tho all the rumors or so-called scandals are killing me like crazy, i'm still not giving up.maybe one day i'll stop, but for now thre's nothing that i can do.waiting for ur call is like waiting for the rain in the drought.i could've agreed with the "monthly deal" coz one year is too much for me.i feel regret tho.only if u know how much do i miss to talk to u. not calling or texting u at all doesnt mean i've thrown u away frm my life.it's just that i CAN'T n u cant imagine how hard i tried to go through this.i believe that u dun really care about it anymore coz i can see that u're having a gud life now.yes, i'm ur BIG STALKER, but please dun stop me from doing this coz i wanna know what does a relationship mean to u.even at this point, i still have the same feelings towards u.it'll be such a relief if thre's a way out for this.i just wanna fix it, but i know we cant get whatever we want coz we're not the GOD.only Allah can do n get whatever He wants.evryday i'll be hanging out with some friends, doing assgnmnts n have some fun. i'm happy when i'm with them, but when i'm alone i'll start to think about YOU!!i just dunno what should i do coz i dun wanna get rid of u.i know this post makes me sound desperate, again.but it's not a crime to have such feelings, right?ni la hati pompuan.fragile sgt.emo melampau!sket2 nk down, nk cdeyh2..owh crap!!i wanted to go to the riverside today.nk jerit kuat2.but my frens replied my msg a a bit late.klu pegi sorg2 nnt org kate gile plak.aargghhhh!!wtv.sumpah RINDU!!

*a walk to remember*

i was craving for sushi.the last time that i had sushi was during my birthday.so i went to a japanese restaurant in downtown with 3 frens, including "T".owh yeah, we ate n talked a lot, that we spent 2hours in the restaurant. thre's one time that i came out with an idea, whre we have to start using our own language. Rocio n T speak Spanish, while Hang speaks Vietnamese. "ok, how do u guys say let's go??"i couldn't really get the word from Hang, but for spanish, it'll b "bamos"!lbeyh kurang la..but they like our "JOM"!n they can still remember it till now coz it's easy hey.next, how would u say when u're going to give something to someone, like "here" or in malay we just say "NAH!!" owh, this is my favourite coz in vietnamese, they say it as "DIE".sumpah lawak when all of us start to use it.die,, die,, we cant eat the sushi anymore..haha..galak gune that word!!we ate a lot, sgt FULL, smpi xlarat nk jalan.i din even have the energy to carry my bag.xpasal2 T jadi mangse bawak my bag.heh..kekenyangan yg melampau leads to mengantok yg melampau.so we went to Hang's room, to drink coffee.coz after that we have to continue doing assgnmnts n studying. it was maghrib n i din hv much time left to pray.so i had to pray in Hang's room.mak aih, consciousnye nk solat dpn dorunk sume.last time solat dlm kete ok lagi.but seriously i have no choice. i'm glad  that they respect me while i'm praying by not making so much noise.they're a bit curious as well coz it's like my first time praying right in front of them. i wish i can share many things about Islam with them.they're good frens, not the type yg agak wild.even when we're in the restaurant and on the bus, we talked about our religion n cultures.Rocio n T are Catholic but Hang doesnt have any religions. it's good to have frens that can share many info with u n i feel happy too for telling them a lil bit about Islam. that night we were doing assgnmnts in a classroom, till i din realise that i've missed the last bus!oh gosh!!i forgot that it was Sunday, n the bus service stopped earlier than usual.man, how should i go back?i dont wanna walk in the middle of the night alone, coz last time my housemate told me not to walk home from school at night again.but suddenly T offered to walk me home.i was like, WHAT??are u suree??coz it'll b like half an hour walk.but he said it doesnt matter coz he always go for a walk at night n the weather is good as well.n he just din want me to walk home alone. alololo..sweetnyee..cettt!!*jangan caer!!*n yeah,  he walked me home, n we talked about so many things on our way.that reminds me of a walk that i had with someone.it's a walk to remember, that i can't even forget till now.if i were so strong, i would've thrown the memories for like thousands of miles away.it's just that i can't. to b frank, i miss that person badly.. :(((( but back to "T", i think he has the potential to be a muslim. sometimes he used my laptop to check his emails, n he told me that his stepdad always sends him emails about God, n some messages with good lessons. he's quite close with his stepdad.he said that his stepdad will be so happy if he convert. *deep down in my heart, i'll b waaay happy if he becomes a muslim* at least his stepdad influences him by portraying good examples n all, that even make him not to smoke, drink, get involved with wild parties and so forth.ntah la..i just go with the flow.for now, i need to focus on studies.maen2 jugak.lepak2 jugak. alahai..ble la bole byr bil tepon ni..ssh kot nk contact sume org.eh silap, ssh kot org nk reach me.haaha..tbe2 rase rmi peminat.ngahahha.sengal~~ *ni la padah x pandai jimat duit.tp duit habes sbb byk spend on food, xsalah, kn??at least bkn habes sbb njoy x bertempat*

one word.RINDU.

rindu mak.n last week borak ngan mak 3-4days berturut-turut :)awesome2..rindu abah.tp asyik xde chance nk borak. :( rindu abang akak sume, n dpt borak wif some of them je during family gathering@bukit jalil.mereka berlagak sbb tgh makan besar, with lauk-pauk yg marvellous, cooked by cheffs terhebat, mak n k.jehan. n mereka berlagak duit bonus maseh byk lagi.em, mereka sume xsabar nk kne PAW tu!xpe, tggu kepulangan adk kesayangan korang!haha.rindu ank2 sdare.mcm2 kerenah can be seen from the webcam.baby umar dh pndi jalan, makin montel, tp maintain putih+jambu. n he smiled at me!ntah kenal lagi ke x.heh.baby Oni dh kuros, makin chomeyl+cantek, tp agak sombong.ciss, nnt asu jugak yg mama korang cari to babysit! Amal still maintain hero hindustan.hnsem lagi.n JAffni??my hero yg maintain gemok+lawak.die merajuk sb xdpt mainan before dat, but when i called him, he came to the laptop.i showed him my iphone, dgn muke belagak, telling him about the games that i have.as usual, *terlopong* budak tu!tros baek from merajuk!!sbb he wanted to berlagak wif me jugak!!durh!we were talking n teasing each other.i know it sounds childish for me, but i just cant help it.jaffni is like my fav ank sdare coz die yg paling lwk!*x pilih kaseh, ok?* die bajet ensem, tp x ensem sgt pon.slalu terlopong n tunjok his lubang hidung yg besar tu!hahah. n then he said, "asu, kte dh KUAT da!!"..ece, belagak!nk cari gaduh la tu!alahai..we used to fight, n he always bully me coz he thinks he's stronger than me..badan byk lemak nk lawan dgn i yg agk tulang, mmg saket laa..adeyh..n i rindu my darling girlfriends, da PHOENIX sisters.happy like hell after dpt borak wif my long-lost badak!lame gle kot x boraaaakkkk!!but still, xpuas.need to have a REAL talk later.n NQ is always thre to hear my inner screams,to jump into my current feelings, n to cry together coz we're at the same point, the weakest one. rindu mereka.those girlfriends that will shre good things, that will make my day a blast one, B, aness, zan, auni, atul,dan mereka sume.but if i  miss them, i could do something to get them.for now i miss someone badly, but thre's nothing that i can do to reach that person. it has been 2 months, but i dont think i'm over him. in one month time, it'll b our supposedly 2nd anni.owh crap!!i'm such a LOSER!!memories, pls dont chase me..or maybe i'm the one who has to forget the memories!!

the weather is good now.tho i'm not in a good mood, but i always try my best to keep myself happy. last weekend, i did nothing much.but went for a walk with my housemate on saturday was a good one!

makin hari makin syg saskatoon :))

n on sunday, somebody borrowed me car..

driving in saskatoon??hell yeahh!

80km/h is gud enough for the first attempt..

naseb baek xde polisssss!!haha

i think he's the one!

i wanted to share this thing earlier, but i dunno why, i went blank when i was about to write it.hermm, dat's ok coz i'm writing it now. it'll b a bit funny coz i just wanna talk about the latin guy that i've mentioned earlier.let's call him as "T". i found him as an intresting one coz each day he makes me to know more about him. that day we were struggling in the chem lab, answering some "stupid" questions, whre the TA also din know how to explain it to us.owh yeah, we were quite unlucky for getting the hardest set of questions.i was so stressed up at dat time, n i kept on complaining. because i was STARVING at dat time!haha.*tbe jeh* after the lab, we were talking about phy asgnmnt n we decided to do it together.but then he asked me to get some food first n he wanted to treat me!erkk, terkejut seyh!obviously segan, n wanted to tolak dat offer, tp teringat  a DARE from my fren bout dis guy!so i just accept it, tho rase segan nk mampos!n he asked me whre i wanna go, either A&W or subway, n i told him thre's nothing that i can get from A&W coz i'm a muslim, so better go to subway!i'm glad that he knows a lil bit about ISLAM coz some of my friends here know nothing about Islam.n at subway, he said that i can get the footlong if i want to coz he knows that i was starving during the lab. ciss, bertambah segan kot!tp sbb lapar nk mampos, i just ordered the footlong tuna.but weird thing happened!i cant even finish it tho i was super hungry.the only person that can make me feel like that is my tuuuuuutt!that person suddenly came into my mind!gosh!!n T told me that he'll b upset if i throw the subway.obviously i didnt!tapaw sudeyh.n when walking back to school, he suddenly told me that his stepdad is a MUSLIM. *tbe2 blur jap. stepdad tu ape eh?coz confuse bapak angkat ke bapak tiri!gle sengal, simple thing pon bole lupe!then trigt cite cinderella with stepsisters.baru la dpt tgkp!*haha.. i was damn surprised, n i asked about his mom!i was so excited to know more!but he said his mom is still a christian n his dad has passed away!alaaaaa...frust gle!!!asl la mak die x convert je??adeyh..no wonder la he knows about muslims.he said his family wont eat pork when his stepdad is around, n they wont eat in front of him during the fasting month.to show their respect. hmmm... now i wanna know more about him! we often hang out together these days, doing asgnmnts together.i found him a bit funny n SWEET!gosh, caer2.thre's one time when we're done with the assgnmnts, he got addicted with the games on my iPhone.haha.n he even gave me his fon n do whatever i want, including reading his inbox..gle sempoi la mamat ni! xde GF rupenye. good point!hak3..but still, one year younger, XMAW la!haish..n we went to wall climbing yesterday. i was climbing but he didnt coz he had to go to work. he was late for work, but he still come just to be my partner for climbing. he just wanted me to have FUN! fun habes la an.i managed to climb halfway jerrr!!too bad!coz i've used up my energy early on by working out at the gym n playing squash..so i had to give up earlier. mase nk turon, he sempat make fun of me. saje nk bagi i jerit when i was up thre.ngeng~~n he said sori for not spending a lot of time for climbing, n he asked me to come with him nxt time. :)) n one thing that i like about him is the way he treats me as a muslim.he seems to know our batas2 pergaulan, whre he doesnt simply touch my hands or something. i feel comfortable to be friend with him.klu nk pegi solat pon, he'll understand if i spend more time.
i've decided to move on, tp kenape eh, when i was with "T", i can still terbayang my "sejarah hitam". cett, hitam la sgt sejarah tu,an??haha..but then, i still think that it's a gud idea if "T" dpt hidayah to convert. he's such a NICE guy. i dont wanna put any hopes on him, but being his friend is good enough for me :)) 
he might be THE ONE who can help me to forget that person, but to have a serious relationship, I DONT THINK SO!!

i think i fall in luv again

i dunno y, but dat figure keeps on catching my eyes today.most of the time during the class was spent by staring at him.i was more attracted to look at him, than looking at the screen.n i dunno y, but i'll be smiling whenever i see his face.n afta da class, i was hoping badly, to bump into him so dat he can "tegur" me..siap set time agk2 bole kluar class same2 x.. shooott!!kenape mesti 'dup dap dup dap'?? gosh, he was just behind me n i have no guts to call him. walking down da hallway, he was later at the front, but rushing for something... man, he din see me ke??gle downn!! but da thing is, i know him during the skating party.he was actually da one who started da conversation.he said that he's in my chem class.i always see him around,but never get da chance to know him.we had fun together,as if we've known each other before.siap ajak race lagi tho at dat time was my first time of skating.amek kau, tergolek-golek jugak atas rink tu!haha..starting from that moment, i think he has something that attracts me.but the worse part is, we never ask names.bersembang bagai nk rak, without knowing who is dat person.coz da 1st question dat i asked him was:"hey, whre are u from??" gle salah strategy. nxt time, 1st question shud be name ok??haish..But today, i really wanna know his name.man, i can't stop smiling when i think of "how desperately i wanna know his name".. haha.. gelak sorg2 je..or mayb ANGAU! i tot i couldn get the chance today, but miracle always happen.when i stop thinking about him, he suddenly "muncul".when i was walking down the staircase, he was just behind me!wah, peluang bagos!!n yeah, finally,,the momnt that i've been waiting for..i talked to him, a conversation that can make me smile till now.n i got to know why he was rushing, n he din see me earlier..heh,,i'm pretty sure he'll tegur if seeing me around..ngahaha..adoyhhh.. gle CAER laa..asl la ur face sweet sgt..haiya..n now i know his name!!caya la!!i think he can be my "pengubat luke". *tersengih-sengih sorg2*eh, lupe nk tanye: "are u on facebook??" yg mcm dlm vday muvee tuu..ngahahaha..sengal~~


p/s:jgn amek serious with this post.saje suke-suke.It's impossible to get him coz he's not a muslim :( tp ajk kluar dating boleh x?? boleh kotttt!!hahahaha :))

an update, i guess

man, i've been staring on the screen for like hours, not knowing things that i should write. i gave myself one month to start thinking of a "new" life. I guess one month is not enough, but let's "PRETEND" that I'm OK now. For some reasons, I wish that person never exist in my life, coz i find it harder each day, struggling with the new path, without realizing things that I've been doing.Things seem to b tough, n i never felt this way, giving up so easily in my studies, n nothing seems to look good for me.I'm such a loser for this term, n I need to buck up for the coming terms.I tried so hard to make myself happy,keeping myself busy at all times, n I guess I can have myself back one day.but only time will decide, no matter how long does it take, days, months, or maybe years. I'll wait for that day, coz I'm desperately need "myself" back!!reading week is over, but i think i had a "good" break with my friends.mayb i should include something in this post that will decsribe my "reading week".*at least*
muvees~valentine's day n dear john.both are awesome, but dear john gave more impacts on me.

Dear john,

No matter how many years does it take, 

I will always wait for u,

Coz i know even though we are far apart,

We can still have n look at the same moon, 

n the only thing that I know is I'LL SEE U SOON THEN

it's somewhat portraying my current feelings, n it made my cry somehow,for some parts, but the worse is when john is reading his note to his dad. gosh, that was so sincere,n i miss my abah damn much!! :((

 i did so many things with my friends over the weekends, but weekdays, i tend to spend time at home, sleeping of course n watching muvees n not to forget, ccoking.OMG, I eat a lot!stress+makan! gemok daaa~ but that's what we called as the real break.hehe. weekends were wisely used, n FYI, i din spend a single penny on clothings, or simply called shopping!!*tabik spring sme diri sndirik* i had two skating parties, with the international students, for outdoor n indoor rinks.

 snowboarding @Table Mountain n then CNY dinner @Mandarin

 nnt dh financially stable, nk beli snobod laa~~hehe

 

squash n badminton at da same time * qada' workout 2 weeks :)*

 

skating party#2 n broom ball

 

  

this game is awesome!!like manyak2!haha

  

kick it or dig it!!somehow it's easier to play the game like soccer! ngeng~~~

n evryone used gud "tricks" since many people were confused with their own teammates!lol

 

"man, gimme the ball badly!!" Go Fara!bak kate Raj! but I can't beat Vinay, the defender

  

  

 

n dat's da end of my first reading week in canada! got to start studying, i mean, to FOCUS more coz i've been "playing around" for the last few weeks.but still, looking forward for the next trip to table mountain. i can b a "trip organizer" back home, but not in Saskatoon.haha.jgn suro sy jadi manager ye kwn2..so funny la korg~~More friends as time passes, n I'm doing good here.I guess. :))

It's O.V.E.R!!!

it's over between us, coz finally i have da strength to ask for da answer.I dun want da same thing dat happened to my fren happens to me coz it will hurt me more."Let me know when u're free.we need to talk.important".with only one call, evrything is cleared.he feels better to b single,n if this is for our own benefits, i'll accept it.But if it's because of someone else, I won't forgive u.But hey, i'm not dat cruel, I've forgiven u coz for me, u're a nice person. I'm not going to revenge..Stop saying SORRY to me coz it hurts me more. *If SORRY is enough, why do they create Laws n police in this world??* owh, i love this line, it's from my current fav Korean drama, "Boys before Flowers". Geum Jan Di n Gu Jun Pyo sanggup tggu for each other for 4 years, n I think I wud do da same thing. But how about u?will u wait for me?? I've told u dat I h8 to b dumped by a guy,coz it hurts me more. literally, u dumped me coz u r da one who made dat decision.But u told me dat I'm da one who left u coz I decided to chase my dream n flew off to Canada.I know, we had a hard time since then, but I tried so hard to make both of us happy.we've gone through everything, but it's just dat u can't stand it anymore. I let u go bcause I loved u, n I just want u to b happy.I hope we can still be bestfrenz like wut we used to b, before we jumped into da "fantasy world". dat's y i called u back, coz i dun wanna end it like s**t. we started with smilesss, n we shud end it with a smile, at least. Thanks for everything.. I'm sorry because I yelled at u. "senang eh u ckp??u mmg dh lupe all ur promises n hopes??kenape senang sgt u ckp mcm ni???Arrgggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!"It's not easy for me to accept da fact dat u've changed..U admit dat u changed a lot but u know me,aite?I'm da one yg ssh sgt nk terime kenyataan. I feel weak, lifeless, n only Allah knows how I feel. cdeyh mcm mase xdpt fly aritu.u know exactly how I was during dat period, aite?? It's not easy to get rid of u.U left me with memories dat will never fade.I lost my Sony fon, which means I lost most of da pictures when we were togeda.Mayb Allah wants me to forget them. but how could i throw away my beloved kookoo bcause u asked me to bring it here. if i knew it earlier, I shud just left it for my niece. n how could I throw my glasses coz dats da only one I got.n how could I throw away da swatch, Hush puppies shoes, adidas,"i believe in happy ending" tshirt, n da couple tshirt??coz I brought them all!! n do I have to change my passwords because they are all related to u!!!i know u did da same thing, but if u wanna get rid of me, go ahead!! change ur password!u know wut, da thing dat can still make me smile is to see ur smiling pictures.i can still remember how i forced u to *senyum nmpk gigi taw!*.. n I'm happy to see ur latest pics with dat kind of smile..n da irony is, we decided to b togeda on da 22nd april 2008.n we broke up on 22nd jan 2010. 22 is my fav number but not anymore I think. things always happen between us on da 22nd, aite?i dunno y, but it just happened.coincidence je, n we din realise act.

i dun believe in happy ending anymore..seriously i dunno how to thank u for the smiles that u've created on my face. I dun think i can have those smiles again n find someone dat will treat me like u, coz u're da only one dat can act "tahan" with me. have a blast with ur new life.we'll get through diz, but like i said, i'll hate u if u did diz for someone else.coz u said dat u wanna b single, not to have da burden anymore. thanx for da freedom dat u just gv me, n i hope u can njoy urs as well. I'm going to hate da entire keturunan of species G if i found out dat u did this for the 3rd party.I've had enough, for now, i just want to close my heart, *tutop rapat2 n lock it well*. GUYS out there, dun make me fall in luv with u, ok??coz I'm going to kick ur a** if u dare to do so.

"klu jd besfrenz, bole jelez x? can I still share my probs with u? can u still call n text me? n can we still go for a date??"owh, i know it sounds stupid, but I just can't help it..it sounds desperate somehow, n i think I was so prideless..but hey, I'll move forward.I'll try to study well, n I'll try to b happy, ok?? time kaseh daun keladi!