Friday, January 22, 2010

It's O.V.E.R!!!

it's over between us, coz finally i have da strength to ask for da answer.I dun want da same thing dat happened to my fren happens to me coz it will hurt me more."Let me know when u're free.we need to talk.important".with only one call, evrything is cleared.he feels better to b single,n if this is for our own benefits, i'll accept it.But if it's because of someone else, I won't forgive u.But hey, i'm not dat cruel, I've forgiven u coz for me, u're a nice person. I'm not going to revenge..Stop saying SORRY to me coz it hurts me more. *If SORRY is enough, why do they create Laws n police in this world??* owh, i love this line, it's from my current fav Korean drama, "Boys before Flowers". Geum Jan Di n Gu Jun Pyo sanggup tggu for each other for 4 years, n I think I wud do da same thing. But how about u?will u wait for me?? I've told u dat I h8 to b dumped by a guy,coz it hurts me more. literally, u dumped me coz u r da one who made dat decision.But u told me dat I'm da one who left u coz I decided to chase my dream n flew off to Canada.I know, we had a hard time since then, but I tried so hard to make both of us happy.we've gone through everything, but it's just dat u can't stand it anymore. I let u go bcause I loved u, n I just want u to b happy.I hope we can still be bestfrenz like wut we used to b, before we jumped into da "fantasy world". dat's y i called u back, coz i dun wanna end it like s**t. we started with smilesss, n we shud end it with a smile, at least. Thanks for everything.. I'm sorry because I yelled at u. "senang eh u ckp??u mmg dh lupe all ur promises n hopes??kenape senang sgt u ckp mcm ni???Arrgggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!"It's not easy for me to accept da fact dat u've changed..U admit dat u changed a lot but u know me,aite?I'm da one yg ssh sgt nk terime kenyataan. I feel weak, lifeless, n only Allah knows how I feel. cdeyh mcm mase xdpt fly aritu.u know exactly how I was during dat period, aite?? It's not easy to get rid of u.U left me with memories dat will never fade.I lost my Sony fon, which means I lost most of da pictures when we were togeda.Mayb Allah wants me to forget them. but how could i throw away my beloved kookoo bcause u asked me to bring it here. if i knew it earlier, I shud just left it for my niece. n how could I throw my glasses coz dats da only one I got.n how could I throw away da swatch, Hush puppies shoes, adidas,"i believe in happy ending" tshirt, n da couple tshirt??coz I brought them all!! n do I have to change my passwords because they are all related to u!!!i know u did da same thing, but if u wanna get rid of me, go ahead!! change ur password!u know wut, da thing dat can still make me smile is to see ur smiling pictures.i can still remember how i forced u to *senyum nmpk gigi taw!*.. n I'm happy to see ur latest pics with dat kind of smile..n da irony is, we decided to b togeda on da 22nd april 2008.n we broke up on 22nd jan 2010. 22 is my fav number but not anymore I think. things always happen between us on da 22nd, aite?i dunno y, but it just happened.coincidence je, n we din realise act.

i dun believe in happy ending anymore..seriously i dunno how to thank u for the smiles that u've created on my face. I dun think i can have those smiles again n find someone dat will treat me like u, coz u're da only one dat can act "tahan" with me. have a blast with ur new life.we'll get through diz, but like i said, i'll hate u if u did diz for someone else.coz u said dat u wanna b single, not to have da burden anymore. thanx for da freedom dat u just gv me, n i hope u can njoy urs as well. I'm going to hate da entire keturunan of species G if i found out dat u did this for the 3rd party.I've had enough, for now, i just want to close my heart, *tutop rapat2 n lock it well*. GUYS out there, dun make me fall in luv with u, ok??coz I'm going to kick ur a** if u dare to do so.

"klu jd besfrenz, bole jelez x? can I still share my probs with u? can u still call n text me? n can we still go for a date??"owh, i know it sounds stupid, but I just can't help sounds desperate somehow, n i think I was so prideless..but hey, I'll move forward.I'll try to study well, n I'll try to b happy, ok?? time kaseh daun keladi!

Thursday, January 21, 2010


yes, i'm totally K.E.C.E.W.A. kecewa with this one person. Let's call him as "P".n I feel sorry for my gudfren, n let's just call her "R". they were together since f4 but their relationship ended somewhere in 2008 or mayb in 2009. we used to hangout togeda, double dates, n sometimes even triple dates!old times always the best la! the thing is, both of them were not happy afta they broke me la kan, nape la one of them pndi2 minx clash! afta quite some time, P wanted to b togeda again, but R refused because she needed some time to think about it. of course la kan.dh kne dump, then sdap2 je minx nk couple balek. xke ssh tu nk buat decision??but obviously deep down in R's heart, she wanted to b togeda again. But then, P never asked again, n he din contact or even pick up the calls n reply the messages from R. hey, common la. BUKAK MATE besar2, n realise that R is waiting for u. She never stop waiting!!! because of all ur promises n hopes, she even rejected other guys!! n do u know how does it feel when u find out dat da person u're waiting for is actually with someone else??? I know I'm just a fren, but it hurts me when i got to know diz.I can't imagine if I'm in R's place. considering the things dat P have told me bfore, which is like *not to think of a new relationship, more focus on study, got no time to play around, etc* I can say that P is such a jerk!! I can't imagine what wud I say if I meet P in da future. sori bro, but for now I h8 u so much. I treat u as my gud fren, but u hurt my bestfren, so I don't think I can treat u like old times. because u're not only cheating R, bt me as well!! I was damn shocked when R told me about this, I can't even breathe, n i'm super SAD, DISSAPPOINTED, n I dunno how to express my feelings here.I cried a lot when I was talking to R.n of course R cried more than me. I can't continue doing my assignments in the library, n my fren, Julia asked me to cool down coz I was so angry. gosh, lots of bad words came out because of this thing. n I went to da gym, so that I can actually forget about this, but it's not easy hey. seriously I can't imagine wut if the same thing happens to me coz I can see da possibilities. R told me to get ready n not to wait till I get hurt. But if da same thing happens to me, I wud swear dat I'm not going to look for someone who is in species G!! owh, I wish to b in Malaysia rite now. I need to HUG u babe!! b strong R. n for P, berbahagie la dgn teman baru. not to b mean, but u're even worse from the other fren! I'm terkilan with u, n for some reasons, i hate u for being part of  R n my life.

*i had a terrible day yesterday, today is not dat gud as well, but working out in da gym makes me feel better. n I can't wait to play squash with Thomas tomorrow..owh, I need to make myself busy so that I won't think of anything dat will only sadden me*

Monday, January 18, 2010

Fun n games nite

A friend from the Buddy program invited me to the Fun n Games nite.n thre was a potluck as well. i decided to make some begedil.heh, lupe how to make them, so i e-mailed my siblings. N kluar la mcm2 recipe, including my bro showing his cooking skills when he was in UK!not bad la.but i think my 1st attempt to make begedil is kinda dissappointing.but anyhow, i still have to bring them for the Fun's actually for the Christmas camp reunion as well. I didn't go to da camp but da good thing is i could still make some frens. Owh, i love making new frens.. Most of them were from China but i got to know the Mongolians, Indians n Iranians as well. N this one Mongolian lady asked me to come for da Bible reading every Friday. "Erk, do i have to come?coz I'm a muslim, n I dont think it's a good idea"..siyesly i dunno how to actually tolak dat invitation. But she said that i can just come to know more people n make some frens. Herm, i'll think about it. (dalam hati: hari jumaat ktorg ade halaqah la. Xkn nk pegi bible reading plak?haish..)
But da best part was the game! Some of us chose to play da table games.My new frens, melissa n Gina taught me how to play SPOON.. *grab da spoon once u got 4cards of the same number*. gle kecoh la.xcited at first, but later i asked them to play something else in the gym.but the guys have already used it for soccer.

soccer,anyone can join in, including dat lil boy, but no girls were playing.i wanted to join in, but obviously segaann!!haha

We're among the supporters!!

But hey, i played basketball! Xpenah2 dibuat, but i asked Melissa to join in as well.*muke x brape nk malu* haha..i didn't really play basketball back home, so i dont know da rules. Maen blasah je, but it was awesome! Tho the girls were only me n Melissa, but the guys were all supportive. *wa caer maen dgn howt guys bro!* i was wearing boots, n melissa was wearing sandals. Smart gle kan ktorang??tergolek mmg byk kali la.licin kottt..but still, we played a nice game.konon first i knew none of them, but we can still play as teammates. We got to know each other after the game ended.ngahaha..owh, i can't wait to see them again! *mode gatai dtg balek* haha.. But it's just for fun! I'm happy coz i'm getting more frens as time passes. :))

Friday, January 15, 2010

of "K"

I do have a gud fren.or mayb used to b a gud fren.Let's just address him/her as "K" so dat it won't b dat obvious.At 1st, we decided to b gudfrens, but after a while, it turned out to be "superbestfrens". Our 'friendship' was good, n we're happy with that, but not until last December. we used to text each other everyday, n talked through phone, skype or sometimes ym. But we would prefer phone beacuse K's problematic Celcom broadband wud only cause a fight.I can still remember that K used to hate to go online n even facebooking!owh, I tried to understand that. We had a tough time after my final exam is over. It's just a small fight, I guess,but it changed everyhting!!I tried to talk to my other fren, looking for a solution that should make sense to me. If I was considered to be such an ego person, I can actually get rid  of the 'ego' if that's the only choice I have. I wanted to b like what we used to be, but sacrificing my ego was just a waste. K decided that we can't be like old times n it's even more frustrating to find out that K is doing things that he/she actually "pantang-sgt" to do. I know we can't be as good as we used to be, but replying my messages with "not-so-called-a-good-reply" is not acceptable! and ignoring my messages is even worse!!do u know how much terkilan i am when i saw ur updates in fb??i tot u h8 fb sooo much!!I know that I still have an infinite number of frens, but it's just that I don't wanna lose such a 'gudfren'. yes2, u're my gudfren, n i always hope that it'll last forever.I luv my frens, n will always do.insyaallah...

p/s: If u think that u're K that I'm talking about, I'm sori if I'm being too harsh, but I just dunno how to say this to u, since u're like ignoring me nowadays.hmm..

i wanna watch Alvin n the Chipmunks 2, i want the chipmunks from Mcdonald's, i wanna add my collection of chipmunks..I WANT CHIPMUNKS badly!!! wuaraghhhhhh..

Friday, January 8, 2010

Aura bukit merbah, seremban

08012003, tarikh keramat that has changed my entire life.dat morning, mak, abah, kmiza,abg sudin,kjehan n kanak2 sent me to this place.hati kate xnk, tp gagahkan jugak.. i got a CS(college sister).K.sha namenye. dat year, Petra Nabila agak famous because of SUKMA.n my family pon g tanye la mane PETRA NABILA? n my CS (suare agak demping sket), owh PET??ade td, xtaw kat mane dah. owh, batch name die PET?cool!
after evrything settled, family ckp nk balek.n to cover my sadness, i asked them to bring me out.nk beli pe yag patot.konon la.padahal sume barang dh complete kot!n as expected, i cried a lot when my family left. *I XPENAH RELA MASOK ASRAMA*. rutin harian, kol mak kalau bole evryday. xsah kalau x nanges. public fon jd my bestfren!visitors nk every week, n outing pon nk every week gak. n i always have my own OB (outing bermalam).suke2 je.alasan, homesick! slalu kuar masok bilik HEM, mase tu Datin Hjh Zuraidah. always be my kesayangan la!haha..untill one point, abah dtg,n i said, *ADIK NK QUIT!!*..last2 masok bilik pengetua(Pn. rokiah).pergh!!XJD QUIT tros!but i've told my abah, stay smpi form3 je eh.pastu x nk dh dok family pon mengiyekan la. KONON! tup2, stay gak smpi f5!haha

dining hall dear, i miss ur breakfast, lunch,tea, dinner n supper, especially WAHI!!kat cni je bole jumpe kot!

i miss diz suasane as well..but i'm not sure whether i shud miss the moment when i was a junior, (f1 n f2 esp)
*fork n spoon slalu hilang sbb seniors suke pinjam n slalu suro parents pos fork n spoon. xbole ckp2 or borak2 with juniors yg laen, n then tgn x bole atas meja, x bole stare seniors, nnt afta mkn kne panggil. n xbole tdo, but juniors mesti la slalu tdo an, dh name pon xleh wat pape kat table..* tp mase dh seniors mmg heaven la an, nk memekak satu table pon bole, gossips apetah lg. juniors jgn dgr plssss!!pantang gitu!!haha..
owh yeah, dining hall ade 2 bhgn. da 1st one, yg ade hi-table is called HOLLYWOOD n da one yg dekat ngan food counter, SETINGGAN. from f1-f5, mmg dok HOLLYWOOD je babe!mase f5 mmg btol2 depan hi-table!pergh!standard tggi gak la tu!.*konon*.tp slalu je kne serang ngan wardens yg xbrape nk puas ati tu!haha.but then, mase ramadhan, ade changes la plak! xpasal2 kne duduk SETINGGAN??omgosh!! dh nk habes baru turon standard g duduk situ?naseb baek x lame!tp best gak, slalu bole dpt food extra, n nk curi2 mkn awl mase hi-table dinner pon bole.xbrape nk kantoi!hahaha.

rindu makan ikan keli masak cili hijau.favourite tu!mkn hari2 pun xpe. mase juniors slalu dtg kantin, bukan sbb kaye tp slalu kne suro bli food.seniors mmg pemalas nk jln g kantin. tp yg best, slalu dpt upah.haha. ble dh senior pun, i did da same thing.mase dh f5 esp.nk study konon.from AR1, jerit pggl jun2 kat ats.n not to forget, blanje dorunk skali.fair enough, kn??

mase BADA.aktiviti agame.i'm a naqibah, hi com plak kne la bg contoh yg x brape nk baek gak. slalu borak kot mase BADA. xpon, tertdo.hahaa.

ade maksud tersirat byk gle for dis pic. AWAS!!.tp dh berkubur kot.ramai dh *slamat*..yg stay, bagos la..

ini kwn2 bola sy.kami berempat support MU, except ateng, Chelsea. mmg slalu kne condemn la. go ManU!
when i went to Moscow, i got some sort like miniature for them. i couldnt find ManU, so I just bought AC Milan.evrybody got a miniature of different players n sizes.n for myself, i hold for KAKA, da biggest one!obviously la kan! hehe

for now, I miss Bukit Merbah a lot, n I can still feel da aura.siyes, x tpu!
junior or senior, both give memories that will never fade..
zaman buli-membuli, cintan-cintun, starter-marter, kutuk-mengutuk, gossipssss, naek rooftop, stay up for performances, date dgn starters, blablablabla...n they will always remain as memories.
i'll come back to u, TKC! will always luv u. 
*keep the flag flying up high*

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1st week of school

new term has started,
results for first term are not as expected, because i had a *very high expectation*
but at least i did better than in ICPU :))
n now let's start with my 1st week of school
bajet kobar nk mampos tho i did register for hard classes as well as yg merapu(kot la)
monday: ponteng sbb br nk balek saskatoon since tickets are sold out
tuesday: math110 lab at 8.30am. terpakse ponteng sbb x mampu nk bangun,
n plus, it's only math placement test, doesn't count nways.
n followed by phy117,n obviously it turned out well
because i'm taking it with Dr Robinson again! such a superb lect!
same classroom, n i chose to sit at da same place
da dfferent is, Taylor who used to seat next to me is no longer there
owh, n i met my dear fren, JULIA!!i'm glad that we're still classm8s
in da evening, i went to my boss's house, to meet the kids!!
i miss 'em so much n they're happy to see me as well. (dh lame kot x jumpe!)
n at nite was Anthro class, where i met Miss Fikar's clone!hahaha
she is so like miss fikar, craps all da way, but da good thing is she has notes on slides
wednesday: the day whre I met most of my frens, coincidentally..
surprised to see Kat coz i tot she's already transferred to Calgary
but she's still here n we're still classm8s for Phy.
(n she asked me to sit with her in da middle??.erk, i muke dok blakang la)
i met Taylor at da hallway, n he's happy dat he passed his Phy diz time (i'm glad for him)
Kenneth n Shane at the tunnel, n a lot more. no need to mention i guess
another nite class, History, just a small one..(ade ke org nk blaja history sgt?)
we're required to use wiki n some discussions have been done
i'm happy to get a lot of responses by the other students since they know that i'm not a local
n i got to know dat *saskatoon pun ade bowling gak!*
siap ade ajak g maen skali, haha... alrite bebeh!
thursday: one class JER!which is phy, tp x pegi sbb overslept!oops!
but at least i still go to school later n managed to get new U-pass n acces kits
friday: Chem n Math110, n i started doing all the assignments n some revisions
*dh xmau tangguh2 keje*
blackboard, webassign, wiki n masteringchemistry will be my good frens now
instead of facebook n my own blog..
overall, this term will be way2 tougher
5classes n 4labs
they're all interesting (smpi xtaw nk drop mane satu..haha) but require a lot of work
but this will obviously teach me to b a better person!
pray for me people!! :)))

Monday, January 4, 2010

End of da 1st winter break

Ticket balek saskatoon abes,
Which means i ponteng my 1st day of class in 2nd term.
Such a bad start,huh?
But now i'm safely arrived at my "kampong".
Edmonton slamat ditinggalkan,
Wut a wonderful time i had thre for more than 2 weeks..
Thanx everyone in Edmonton, especially Ainaa n Maryam for da stay..

*jage my toboggan baek2, ok?*

Now have to start focus on studies,
Need to make myself busy in order to get rid of him..
I cried a lot diz morning since i've got to know the answer that i've been waiting for..
So, Buku baru for 2010.

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Saturday, January 2, 2010

insufficient funds

last day of shopping,,
we went to South Common
where all da factory outlets are located.
i'm totally broke diz time
i can't swipe my card anymore
n when i went to withdraw an amount of money,
it said: *insufficient funds*
ok,, dat's a sign to STOP shopping!
but sgt puassss hati coz,,,
i got a GUESS handbag for a very good deal!
n some other stuffs yg boleh consider as berbaloi
sgt suke ati, but at da same time,
sgt CUAK to start a new term
Saskatoon is calling me now
slamat tinggal Edmonton
nnt dh kaye balek, I'll come again..
*i'm so glad dat i"m not studying in UofA*
or else, i won't have enough money to balek malaysia
thousands of dollar have been spent in Edmonton
hari2 maw shopppppping je kowt!!
 n here some pics for last day out

lunch @ Mikado restaurant

dh lame x mkn sushi

xde keje @ future shop

i guess, diz is like da end of my first winter break in Canada..
satisified, had so much fun, tho duit byk dh habessss!
so balek saskatoon, i shudn't spend on clothes, or any stuffs yg merapu
no more shopping, but have to start saving
sbb nk bli tix balek MALAYSIAAAA!!!
dh rindu malaysia, dh homesick balek!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

new year celebration

Before going for the countdown, we had a potluck @ one of da senior's house. Ainaa, Maryam, Bebe n me masak cekodok pisang n kek tapak kuda.haha. ank2 dare terlebih rajin. n afta dat, we played charade n mafia. that was awesome. i laughed a lot, sgt byk, sgt terok,smpi tergolek-golek mainly because of these two persons but not to mention here.

afta da countdown, we went lepaking @ the city hall since there's a lot of people taking the public we took some group pictures. n otw back, there's a drunk man who was about to attack me n Ainaa. OMG!i was so scared ok? his face was damn scary, n berhingus. yuckyy!!but luckily, the boys looked back, n one of them saved us.fuuh. what a relief!n the boys sempat takut2 kn us as in what if the drunk man suddenly kluarkan pisau n stab us?uishh..i can't imagine dat! tu la padahnye minum arak, kn?i'm so glad to b a muslim. :))))

*pls excuse our ke'demping'an for the first few seconds* :))